What does a Train Wreck, Jesse James, and Tiger Woods have in common?

I find it interesting how we all really enjoy a good train wreck, the more gruesome the better. Two very recent train wrecks we have all basked in have been the ruining of the marriages of Tiger Woods and Jesse James.

We have all heard the sordid details of sexual escapades involving these men and some very questionable women. I find it funny how many people commented on how they could not believe what bad taste these guys had as opposed to the cheating in and of it self.

In a recent People Magazine article it discloses not only the fact that Sandra Bullock has indeed filed for a divorce but apparently had already been secretly in the process of adopting a 31/2 month old baby boy. It appears that before the infidelity bomb exploded Sandra wanted to add another child to the family roster already consisting of three of Jesse’s children from a previous relationship.

Train wrecks being what they are, I must ask just what have we learned, if anything, from all this? Men are pigs? Women should take better care of their pigs? Is a little money a dangerous thing when melting a hole in a guy’s pocket? Yes, I am trying to shed a little humor on a potentially heavy subject but I think that we can get something real out of these displays of public laundry washing.

Lets take a close look at our own relationships. How healthy are they? Do not ask “What have you done for me lately?” instead ask “What have I done for you lately?” If you are not happy with the level of intimacy that you have been receiving a quick look in the mirror should be your first option before going on the attack. How intimate have you been? How emotionally available have you made yourself? Have you taken care of yourself and remained as desirable to your mate as you were when you first met? DO you listen? Do you complain incessantly? Sometimes it is us who create the beast that we live with.

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First in a series titled "Belief"

I have been putting thoughts down but just have not been posting them. I now have about 20 pages put together and with your permission will start posting them one or two pages at a time. Please let me know what you think as we go on. As always, I really appreciate and respect your feedback. Take care until the next post:


There is a word that has such powerful meaning but is almost always taken for granted and not given the proper respect it truly deserves. This word is usually associated with religion or spirituality and not appreciated for its importance in our more mundane every day existence. The word to which I am referring is “BELIEF”.

Belief dictates how you live your life. It will affect your decision making. Where you go, why you do or don’t do something, which person you will date or associate with, even what you eat and how you deal with what comes out after. Everything you do is affected by what your beliefs are. What you hold true to be self evident as it were.

This one word controls so much of our lives, yet how much of “it” do we actually control? Do you walk under ladders? Step on cracks? Knock on wood? How much of what you believe have you consciously made the decision to believe? Beliefs are fed to us from a very young age. Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, don’t go to bed with wet hair or you will go blind, don’t walk under ladders, Friday the 13th, Buddha, Mohammad, and the Dali Llama and so on. As children we are brought to a Sunday school or a Synagogue. Boy Scouts, Tae kwon do, ballet, or baseball practice, each group representing different trains of thought, goals, morals, and possible futures.

What you believe makes you what you are because your actions define the kind of person your beliefs will allow you to be. If you believe that gambling is wrong and because of this you never buy a lottery ticket, could you ever win the lottery? If you believe that every one is out to cheat you? If you don’t believe there is a God, or that there is a God. If you think that you are as successful as you will ever be? That the world is flat? That the swampland that nice man was trying to sell you might be a great investment? If by eating the flesh of your enemies, you will gain their strength? That the world will end in the year 2012? Some of the simplest thoughts going through your mind can have life altering effect on both you and those around you. What if Hitler was not able to get a nation to believe as he did?

Love, hate, fear, happiness, and hope are all examples of belief in our lives. You have to believe in something to make anything tangible to your intellect. Why do you love somebody? Why do you hate anything? Why do you lend money to a friend? Why do you push your child to take singing lessons? Why do you not walk down dark alleys at night? Why do you walk down dark alleys at night? Why do you vote? Why get married or divorced? Why are you writing that book? Why aren’t you writing that book? Why don’t you like black people or white people? Do you prefer wheat or white, Coke or Pepsi? Without belief, decision would be impossible. Without decision, definition would be absent. Who would you be? Where could you be? Why aren’t you?

When it comes to belief, do you have a choice? We are programmed from birth to death, a living, breathing computer, if you will. Unlike computers though, we can program ourselves. We can have ultimate control over our own lives. Computers have to follow the path they were given. You and I may decide to follow any path that presents itself to us. The statement I made at the end of the preceding paragraph can be read and more importantly lived in reverse. Here is how it works; if you desire to “Define” your life in a specific manner, you must make the “decision” to change your “beliefs” which will allow you to make “decisions” that will “define” you in the manner that best suits “beliefs” that will create an environment of positive opportunities. Something I like to call, “Power Through Superior Intent”.

....To Be Continued

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How is Eddie Boy doing?

Hi Everyone! This is Luz again! I just wanted to share with all of you some of the amazing things Eddie has done. Since the April 17, (which by the way, the doctor is so surprised at what a fighter he is) Eddie had not been moving his eyes, but a few weeks ago, after a prayer and meditation, we all noticed, he began to move his EYES! (he's still sleeping but it was a miracle just to see his eyes moving)
Eddie currently has had a tracheotomy installed in his throat. When you have this, you can not make any sounds because of the cut in your throat the air escapes thus not allowing sound to come out. Well, Eddie has started making grunting sounds, and you can hear him coughing! The doctor is so surprised saying that he is so strong. She can not understand how he is making any noise at all.
Eddie began to move his little toes when touched, then he began to move them when he heard us speaking, then he moved his ankles, and last week, began to bend his knee! (the healing is moving upwards. We just need to make it go higher to the lungs and the brain stem). He is really doing better! We really believe your prayers are soooo strong. We can all feel the love.
Eddie is here with us, he just needs our prayers and love to show him how to wake up, because believe me he has the strength to wake up, and the will, he does not give up. Thank you for the love.

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Would you leave your family to take a job in another country?

Recently I watched a movie called “Caregiver”, made by media giant ABS-CBN and Star Cinema, starring Sharon Cuneta and John Estrada. The story focuses on a woman whose husband has left the Philippines to take a job in another country because the pay is considerably more in this other country than what it would be in the Philippines. They decide as a couple that she would leave their young son with relatives in the Philippines so that she could follow her husband to the foreign land. She resigns from her job as an English teacher and sells their home just before leaving. The plan is that within 2 to 4 years they might possibly save enough money to send for their son. Upon her arrival in this new country, she is hired as a caregiver in an assisted living facility. Here, she suffers some culture shock in her new job in that she is required to change the soiled diapers of elderly residents and also by the idea of this type of care, in and of itself, because it is not customary for Filipino families to “deposit” their seniors in this type of facility. She perseveres however and even experiences some minor triumphs even being promoted after a fashion due to her fine work ethic and excellent command of the English language. As the story progresses, we learn that the husband, who is a trained nurse in the Philippines, is but an orderly earning a fraction of what she believed him to be earning. Because of this he plunges into an emotional downward spiral becoming resentful of his life and even somewhat jealous of his wife’s modicum of perceived success in her new “career”. By the end of the film, her husband has decided that he has had enough and wants them to return to the Philippines where they will start life over from nothing. She had already given everything up to make this move in the first place and was inspired by her personal potential in this new land as well as feeling that her husband had already emotionally abandoned her. She decided that she would do something for herself and refused to go back with the husband to the Philippines. The last scenes of the film were of her still in the new country, only now her son was with her and the husband nowhere in sight. There were some sub-plots worthy of mention but this Post is not about the movie but what it is trying to show us.

There are men and women actively seeking employment in other countries because they cannot find meaningful employment in their own country. Another issue is that while they may have employment, the same position in another country might pay double or triple what they are able to make in the Philippines. This issue is especially marked among professionals, like doctors, nurses, and teachers who are lured out of the Philippines by salaries and opportunities that cannot be found in their homeland. This creates another problem known as “Brain Drain” because many of the finest in any given field leave the country and are not working for the benefit of their countrymen but for a whole other people and culture. Some of these OFW’s (Overseas Filipino Worker) work towards assimilation in their adopted lands and others are employed via contracts that last a couple years to as much as a few years.

The personal issues are abundant. Many of the people being recruited are not well educated and fall into the hands of human traffickers and sold into slavery or prostitution. Immense fees and loan payments of loans taken out to pay for the “fees” of both legal and illegal recruiters make it nearly impossible for some of these people to pay off the cost of getting the “job” much less being able to send money to loved ones. Others are abused by what would otherwise be legitimate employers, sometimes being accused of crimes and jailed because of false allegations. Often times, Overseas Filipino Workers, become stranded in far off lands because of war, natural disaster, or due to these unscrupulous employers and recruiters themselves. It is then up to the families to scramble to put together the means necessary to rescue their loved one thus adding to their burden. On occasion well meaning government officials pool resources to offer rescue to these families in need. An example of this type of assistance happened recently when the Senate President of the Philippines, Manny Villar, pooled certain resources and was able to facilitate the return of several such stranded Philippine Nationals.

Not all stories are nightmares. There are many that find meaningful employment in these far off lands. While abroad, these workers have built reputations as being talented and hard working. Often these OFW’s live frugal lives so that they can send relatively large amounts of money back to their families. It is not uncommon to hear stories of nice houses being built, businesses being started, and educations of children being paid for by OFW remittances. For some of these people, the opportunity to make this kind of money and the lifestyles that they have become accustomed to almost necessitate leaving repeatedly on new contracts. Minimum wage in the Philippines is currently pegged at approximately 380 pesos a day, or roughly $9.05. Meaning that for an eight hour day, you would be getting paid approximately $1.13 an hour. What would you do making this amount of money? Would you be motivated to find an overseas job thus requiring that you leave your loved ones behind even only for a couple of years?

The movie itself presented a real life scenario of people making difficult decisions. We all want the best for our families. Whether for our parents, siblings, spouses, or children we are all willing to make sacrifices for their benefit. Where do you draw the line? Is money the only consideration when deciding to be apart from your loved ones? Is leaving them for extended periods of time the only possible solution? Is the human cost worth the financial gain? (If there is a financial gain to be had) These are questions that can only be answered by you as the one living the life in question. The decision though must be weighed very carefully making sure that you do your due diligence to ensure that it is an educated decision, a decision that can affect not only your destiny but that of your loved ones and even that of your nation.

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“Same Sex Marriage” What does it mean for you?

First off, let me preface this post with a simple disclaimer; Morality is relative to the life being experienced by the one living it. I do not endorse any particular religion or belief system. I do, however, endorse having one because such things are prisms through which we can focus the minds active force, also known as intent. By being able to focus your intent, you will have the ability to become a truly powerful being capable of serving and protecting those that you hold near and dear to your heart. These elements define your universe. The intent of this post is not to determine right from wrong. Our goal is to expose the topic in a way as to engender conversation. By doing so, people can make their own educated decisions and adjust their life paths accordingly.

Whew, now that the disclaimer has been taken out of the closet and set prominently on the mantle, let’s get ready to have a nice orderly discussion.

What is the issue? (Is there even an issue?)

Until recently, same-sex couples could not marry anywhere in the world. This final restriction was lifted during 2001-APR, when The Netherlands expanded its definition of marriage to include both opposite-sex and same sex couples. Belgium followed suit during 2003-JAN. Next came Ontario, a province in Canada in 2003-JUN. By 2004-NOV, same-sex marriage had become available in most Canadian provinces. When federal law C-38 was signed into law on 2005-JUL-20, SSM theoretically became available across all of Canada. However Prince Edward Island ignored the civil rights of same-sex couples, and refused to issue marriage licenses to them for almost a month until threatened by a lawsuit. Spain passed a law allowing same-sex couples to marry on 2005-JUN-29. South Africa's law came into effect on 2006-NOV-30.

The status of same-sex marriage in the U.S.:

Currently, only one man and one woman can be joined in matrimony and have their marriages recognized by the state, except for residents of Massachusetts who successfully won a court battle for the right to marry. Same-sex couples were able to obtain marriage licenses in San Francisco, CA, and in various towns in New Mexico and New York for short intervals of time during 2004. However, none were able to register their marriages.

As of 2007-MAR, almost all states have "Defense of Marriage Acts" or constitutional amendments prohibiting same-sex marriage, Exceptions are: New Mexico and Wyoming in the West, Connecticut, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Vermont in the Northeast.

The Alliance Defense Fund, a conservative Christian legal activist group, maintains "DOMAwatch" that describes the current status of same-sex marriage, court cases, etc. in each state. See: http://www.domawatch.org/

Text from: ReligiousTolerance.org (www.religioustolerance.org/hom_marr.html)

California under the leadership of “Arnie” is probably about to legalize same sex marriage because of a California Supreme Court decision. New York, while not legalizing it, intends to honor such unions consummated in other states or countries.

Let’s look at the word marriage. Yet once again I crack the cover to my ever faithful Encarta Dictionary: mar riage (noun) 1. A legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners. 2. A married relationship between two people, or somebody’s relationship with his or her spouse. 3. The joining together in wedlock of two people. These are definitions good enough for Microsoft Corporation, so they must be good enough for this discussion. Do you find it interesting that when addressing the “whom” in these definitions they use the term, “two people?” Not a man and a woman? Why is that, PC being displayed in educational text? Another interesting statement is that marriage is established by, “civil or religious ceremony.” We must be reminded that not all civil law is based on moral guidance. It is also civil laws that allow a pornography store to be located on the same block as a church. Both the church and the porno store having their own devotees. Civil laws in general are intended to serve the greater good of the community it is intended for without prejudice towards any specific group. Can the same be said about religious doctrine? Which religion you ask? I say, exactly.

Are we discussing societal or religious concerns? What about scale? Whose society or religion are we talking about? There are practices in certain societies around the world that are beyond the fathom to any other society around them. The same can be said for religion. So it can be understood that there are people around the world who are on both sides of the fence regarding this subject. But alas, we are talking about the United States of America, the land of the brave and home of the free. What about America? How will this affect America?

There was a time in our history that a man and a woman were expected to get married to somebody from the same community or church. By this I mean the same circle of friends, same background, more blatantly, the same color or race. It was unheard of for a white person to be dating, much less marrying, a black person. This separation was supported and even enforced by both religious and civil authorities of the time. It was said that to allow such unions to exist would cause the very fabric of decency and propriety to be irreparably damaged. The same stigma exists even today to some degree in certain communities around America.

Not to long ago being homosexual was something to hide and keep secret. If this statement were not true why does the saying “coming out of the closet” exist? There were laws, and still are in many places, threatening prosecution and jail time for people engaged in homosexual relations. In the past, people were released from military service because they were “gay”. Today we have the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. Some of today’s most popular television shows have either homosexual themes or star people that live publicly homosexual lives. Ellen DeGeneres being a prime example.

The prejudices in America have evolved not disappeared. New egos are controlling the system that we live in. We have grown so intolerant that we tolerate the previously intolerable. Our horizons have broadened to the point that we can no longer see the trees for the forest. We now define society in terms of the individual without first defining just who that individual is. Glassy stares are intertwined with the angry glares. Some of you say, “What?” Some of you say, “Why”. Some are saying, “Huh?”

Picture in your mind a couple that lives in small apartment in the hustle and bustle of Manhattan. A small dog runs in circles elated that its master is turning a key in the front door lock. In the kitchen, a pot of home cooked tomato sauce is being stirred lovingly by skilled hands. Entering the kitchen, a leather briefcase is dropped onto the kitchen counter and a soup ladle is tossed into the sink as two lovers embrace and share a passionate kiss. Jeff pulls away and says, “What smells so good?” A smile crosses Philip’s face as he proudly announces that he is making a pasta dinner using his grandmother’s secret recipe. Just then Jeff’s six year old son from his recently failed marriage comes into the kitchen and announces that he is going over to his friend’s house to play video games.

If I did not mention any names would you have surmised that it was a story about two men? If I never mentioned any names at all would it have made a difference? This type of relationship exists on a grand scale in today’s America. With or without laws “legitimizing” such unions, these “families” will continue to exist and even flourish. Will the “legalization” of this standard result in even further societal change? I put it to you that “society” will change regardless. Will the change be for the better or worse? Relative to whom?

If you have read this far you might be asking me, “What now?” Well what now? How does any of this affect your universe? If you let it affect your universe it will. As with any issue that you decide to become part of, it becomes a part of you. You must take a stand and defend your opinion because it is your’s, it belongs to you; at the same time you must accept the fact the every human has the same right as you, and it too, must be defended.

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Are you waiting for that perfect someone or are you with someone you want to be perfect?

Governments have spent billions trying to avoid landmines. Here we are purposely stepping on them. If anything, we are here to try and help those that are coming up the path behind us.

The first word that I want to address is “perfect”. Is there such a thing? I believe in the pursuit of perfection. If you aim for the stars, you are sure to hit clouds. The problem with the “concept” of the word perfection is that it’s very perception is relevant to the one making the observation. How many of us have stood in front of a painting with a small sign beneath it declaring it a “masterpiece” while thinking that you wouldn’t hang it in your garage, yet somebody out there was willing to spend millions on it. Go figure. So is it okay to seek the perfect partner? Yes it is.

Here is the catch. Because everything can be perfect relevant to the person making the observation, the observation itself will be tempered by the condition of that persons universe at the time the observation was made, perfect perfection cannot truly exist. Can you name one thing that without exception, everyone who was exposed to it, would think that it was perfect? I did not think so. (This not being a perfect observation, somebody will think I lost my marbles.)

We are all in a state of change. Every day when you wake up, you are not the same person that went to sleep the night before. Thus the old saying, “change is the only constant”. This being the case, you can always pursue perfection tempered by the knowledge that the pursuit will never end.

We now know how to deal with our expectation of perfection. Let’s add to the flavor of the stew by slowly stirring in acceptance and gratitude to the mix. We must strive for personal control of our universes. Part of doing that entails following paths in our lives that make us the very best we can be. We do this so that we can protect and serve those that we hold near and dear to our hearts. Whatever life situation you find yourself in, including relationships, you need to ask yourself if it drives or hinders your attainment of your life goal. If you say no, then corrective measures need to be taken. But if you say yes, then you have by doing so, indicated acceptance of your situation. Once you have accepted your situation, you now “accessorize” your universe by showing gratitude for those things that you do have that further your pursuit of your life goal. When you move into a house or apartment, do you put your couch in the middle of the living room and think that you are happy with your new abode? You most likely will want to paint the walls, put up a picture, and change the shower curtains, right? You may never be able to add that second floor, but you accepted what was there, and were grateful for the protection your home provided for you.

You are thinking that is all well and good for those that are still looking. What about everybody that is already in a relationship? Well, I suggest that you read the previous post,”Is LOVE ever enough?” Well is it? Once you have answered this question and decided that the WHO is who it should be, then the steps are the same. You have made the educated decision to accept your situation. You now have to strive to make it what you want it to be first remembering that you can only change or control your own universe. The power that you do have is that through positivism and gratitude, you can affect change in those around you. Notice I said “affect” not outright change. The key is to do constant assessments of your situation and modify your decisions accordingly. When you ride a bicycle or drive a car, you will find that you make subtle adjustments as you move along to keep you on the path, right? Life is the same way.

Wait for that perfect somebody or is that somebody perfect? The pursuit of perfection is the key. Just remember that the expectation of perfection is unreasonable. Our mantra here is to be the very best you can be, not be perfect. Take care until next time.

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Is LOVE ever enough?

When is LOVE just not enough? Enough for what you might ask. I think that we need to explore just what love is a little more.

Why doesn’t he/she love me? I have done everything I can for him/her and I feel so unappreciated. Have you ever found yourself asking these questions? You might need to examine what love really is.

What is LOVE? Well the Thesaurus in my trusty Microsoft Word defines it as follows: to feel affection for, adore, worship, be in love with, be devoted to, care for, find irresistible, be keen on, be fond of, and lists hate as the antonym of LOVE. The defining factor in all of these examples is that they are all “outward bound” acts. LOVE is something you give and not something that can be expected in return.

Love has many defining factors depending on where it is coming from. Mother, father, child, sibling, teacher, mentor, or even coaches have the ability to love you. Each one of those people that I just mentioned will love differently depending on their individual life experience. Each one of us has experienced love in different ways from the time of our births. The ideal of love has been burned into us by our life’s experiences and decisions. (And Hallmark card quotes)

We have all heard the term “unconditional love” have we not? Again, it is an ideal which is outbound by nature and by its own name more in line with what we are discussing here today. You cannot hear that term and expect unconditional love. You have to be the one to be willing to give it. You have to make the decision that you will love, serve, and protect the target of this priceless gift whether or not the same energy and devotion is ever returned to you. A parental relationship is where you most often see this kind of love thrive, mothers more specifically. We have all heard of the mother that still housed her floundering 29 year old “child” who is still trying to find his/her niche in the world. That floundering “child” by the way verbally and in some cases physically abusing the doting mother. Yet there he/she is, cowering in the safety of mom’s apron. Ask her if LOVE is enough.

Now we look at marriage. You were attending a party when out of the corner of your eye you spot her/him. Out of the corner of your eye you notice her/him glancing your way. Before you realize it you are out on your first date ordering that house salad when you would have ordered the full rack of beef ribs with all the fixins. In a flash a diamond ring is purchased and being gingerly placed on a delicate finger. You turn around and running by at breakneck speed is your son being chased by his sister with a pair of scissors. Now you want to ask if LOVE is enough. Your decision making abilities have brought you this far. Now where will they take you?

It is now when the word martyr comes into mind. Does anyone have to martyr themselves in a marriage? Well if you consider yourself one, you have already given up and left. Love is no longer what you have to give. Self pity and regret are what now consume you. By staying in this situation you are perpetuating the negativity that you so desire to escape. It is akin to a drowning person asking for a glass of water. The real tragedy here is the fact that the negative energy you are creating is affecting those around you also. Maybe better said to say that it is infecting those around you. It would be virtually impossible to maintain any level of positivism in this situation. I ask you again, Is LOVE ever enough?

Is LOVE ever enough? That can only be determined by the person giving it. You need to look within and decide that you want to be where you are at. That you have a clear understanding of what particular situation you are in and once you have decided that you are “all in” you need to make clear decisions as to how your decision will effect those around you. Remember that you should make decisions that first improve your position in your universe with the intention of improving the position of those that you love in theirs. LOVE is always enough. The real question is, FOR WHOM?

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Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana. Scandal or Stupid Decision?

Miley Cyrus, maybe better known as Hannah Montana, is in the spotlight yet again, not because of a great new song but because of what appears to be “inappropriate” pictures taken with her father who is also her manager.

I viewed an online video of the photo-shoot where these photos were created. Did I perceive the set up to be inappropriate? Let’s take a closer look.

Miley was dressed in jeans and a tank top. During the video she playfully hung upside down during the setup of the shoot like any girl her age would, but in front of the camera gone were the girlish and sometimes goofy smiles she is so well known for. What posed in front of the camera was a blossoming young woman becoming used to her feminine charm and power. I was surprised to see her father come onto the set and strike a reclining pose sitting on the floor resting on one arm. Miley then “decorated” her father by leaning onto him then lying next to him with her head resting on his lap.

What was my initial impression? Inappropriate. She was not just being a girl hanging out with dad shooting some promotional shots. She was not being Hannah Montana in those shots. The poses with the dad were not your average daughter and dad shots. The eye to eye contact captured in the shots did not have parental overtures. If I did not know that this was a father and daughter, I would have believed that these two were intimately involved.

Do I think that they are having some kind of illicit relationship? No I do not. Was this a textbook example of incredibly poor judgment? Yes it was. Some image consultant probably advised them to do this photo shoot saying that Miley has to develop her image after Hannah Montana. That she will not be a kid forever. Show the fans that she is maturing and in connection with that, not be type cast as a Disney character for the rest of her career. Was this good advice? Maybe it was. But the execution was a blunder in the umpteenth degree.

Lastly, the dad was the most to blame for this situation. He is her manager. More importantly he is her father. He is there to not only protect her business interests but to help her make the proper decisions regarding her image and lifestyle. To help her learn the thought process that goes into making good solid decisions for herself. What I saw was an aging man who enjoyed the attention he was getting to the detriment of his daughter. He was posing for his fans trying to look cool and attractive. He was not there trying to look like Miley’s dad.

Another example of how your bad decisions can have far ranging effect on those around you. Ego strikes yet again and claims two more victims.

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In Loving Memory of Rose Mabel Thorpe April 19, 1924 - April 6, 2008

I just found out that my Grandmother died. The last time I actually saw my Grandmother I was still quite young, less than ten years old in fact. I remember the first time I was able to talk to my Grandmother after so many years of not seeing her, it felt like I was still that little boy who dearly loved his "Gramma".

I opened my email for the first time in a while and was looking through the subject list when I saw the email regarding the death of my Grandmother. My aunt sent it to me. I am so thankful that she thought to do that. It was a very wonderful thing for her to do considering how things must be right now. I love her and respect her a great deal.

Grandma was a spunky, quick witted, loving person. I was getting regular phone calls from her for quite a while. She was on a fixed income, yet she found the resources to keep in touch with the ones she loved. No matter how I was feeling at the time of her calls she would lift my spirits and with a simple, "I love you", make me feel needed and appreciated.

Right now I feel not only an emptiness inside of me but also a deep and gnawing sense of personal guilt. I live a long way from family. Grandma complained that I lived too far away and would ask me to move closer to kin. I always told her that I would try. When she called, Grandma used to ask me to call her more often because her limited income did not let her talk to me often enough. I always told her that I would try. Grandma would ask for pictures of her grandkids and my wife so that she could at least look at the pictures if I could not bring them to visit. I always told her that I would try. I apparently did not try hard enough. I let my Grandmother down.

I want to say goodbye: "Grandma, it's me David. Thank you for keeping me in your heart and mind. Please forgive me for taking you for granted. For thinking that you would always be there, and that I would have all the time in the world to fulfill my promises to you. Please forgive me for not being there to hold your hand and comfort you when you had your stroke. I can only find comfort in the hope that you were never alone. Just know Grandma, that you will always be in my heart. More importantly I want you to know that you were a large part of the catalyst that helped changed my life for the better. That change inspired me to start this blog. So if we can help even one person in a meaningful way, your legacy will live on as part of a much greater movement. I love you Grandma. Rest well."

I still feel shallow and dissatisfied.

My Grandmother's decision to show me how much she loved me really did change my outlook on things. A decision that she made not knowing what set of circumstances she would be unleashing on the universe. A decision made with no other motive other than to get and give a little love and attention. She helped change my life. I am motivated to help change others lives as well.

Your life path is complete Grandma. Good Job. I am so proud of you!

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