Speak up about poor service and give people a chance to shine.

Part of owning your universe is defending your right to be treated well in everyday situations. In short, when you are a customer, you should be given every courtesy and respect that should be given by a business wanting your loyalty and more importantly, your money.

The other day a good friend of mine invited me and my family to watch Iron Man at a local shopping center called Rockwell. Yes I am a fan of these comic book based movies. Shoot me.

Rockwell Power Plant Mall is an upscale shopping and dining destination. This mall is a very nice place. One of the attractive features here is the fact that there are not that many people walking around so the environment is unhurried and relaxed.

We arrived a bit early for the movie. My friend had actually pre-purchased the tickets so there was no need to stand in line. Deciding that we were all hungry we began the difficult process of choosing which of the many fine restaurants we would eat in. Finally after careful deliberation and a couple of false starts, we chose a place called “Kaya”.

Located in what would be considered the “food court” of this mall, Kaya is competing with several of Manila’s heavy hitters in the restaurant industry. Kaya itself focuses on Korean fare on a somewhat affordable level compared to other similarly apportioned establishments. The restaurant itself is relatively small but nicely decorated in what could be considered a fusion style of modern Asian design and Denny’s. You would have to read a menu to fully realize that this was a Korean restaurant.

Upon entering the restaurant we were greeted by several employees repeating what I think was “welcome” in unintelligible Korean. I asked to be seated in a place that had an electric outlet nearby because I knew that the battery of my laptop was running low. Without hesitation the server lead us to a table near the kitchen entrance and after seating us, proceeded to pass out menus.

It was when the server came to take our orders that the problems started. First, my wife usually does not order anything when we dine out with our two children. There is inevitably a large amount of leftovers which she then happily consumes so as to not waste perfectly good food. The problem here is that to keep the pricing deceptively reasonable, it appears that the portion sizes were kept very small. I did not have a scale with me but it seemed that the portions were approximately 80 grams or so. When you order kalbi ribs a good portion of that will be bones. This order did not go very far and we were forced to order more items. Good for the restaurant but does not make you feel like you are getting very much value for the buck. I would have preferred to have been charged slightly more and been pleased with what was brought to the table. My wife had a sour look on her face almost the whole time. Not only was there nothing left for her but the kids wanted more.

I on the other hand was “watching” everybody eat. Yes I said watching. My food was missing in action. My friend followed up twice. Each time he would ask where my order was our server would rush off never to be seen again. The third time we followed up, another server came back informing us that all the items we ordered had been served already. By this time, the group had finished eating and I was upset and hungry. I immediately called for the original server. When she arrived at the table I tried to ask what had happened to my order. Not having a good answer to my question, she said sorry and asked if I still wanted it. That was the last straw, I asked for the manager.

Her name is Cynthia A. Esperanza. She introduced herself as the manager of the restaurant. After explaining what happened she called the server over to ask her side of the story. The server to her credit admitted that she made a mistake. Ms. Esperanza then explained that the server would be disciplined and apologized for any inconvenience before she returned to the kitchen. I thought that the problem was solved. I was still not happy at this point and definitely still hungry.

After a few minutes a server came out with two bowls of ice cream. I thought it was a nice gesture and thanked the server. I thought again that the problem was solved. I was less hungry and a little happier by this time.

A few minutes later, two full plates of cool delicious watermelon, and two plates of sweet sliced pineapple were placed in front of us. The group was shocked. I was impressed. I called the manager to tell her that I was very happy with her attitude towards customer service. I could not think of anything else that she could possibly do to show us how much she did not want to loose our business. After we paid the bill, she had one more surprise. As we walked out of the restaurant, she handed me my missing order. Incredible. She even handed my two kids lollipops as we left. I will definitely be dining here again.

My point in telling you this story is two fold. First, when you do not get what you are paying for, you must not be afraid to speak up. By “letting it go” you are actually empowering the negative service to continue and affect others. You are also perpetuating being a victim. This negative energy will remain within you attracting more such incidents. Secondly, this manager should be very secure in the service industry that she chose as a career. She was willing to make decisions that some may think went above and beyond what was necessary to not loose a customer’s loyalty. To her it was a natural decision which demonstrated that she has taken ownership of this business. This is an invaluable asset in an employee and the owners of Kaya should be happy to have her on board.

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Miley Cyrus aka Hannah Montana. Scandal or Stupid Decision?

Miley Cyrus, maybe better known as Hannah Montana, is in the spotlight yet again, not because of a great new song but because of what appears to be “inappropriate” pictures taken with her father who is also her manager.

I viewed an online video of the photo-shoot where these photos were created. Did I perceive the set up to be inappropriate? Let’s take a closer look.

Miley was dressed in jeans and a tank top. During the video she playfully hung upside down during the setup of the shoot like any girl her age would, but in front of the camera gone were the girlish and sometimes goofy smiles she is so well known for. What posed in front of the camera was a blossoming young woman becoming used to her feminine charm and power. I was surprised to see her father come onto the set and strike a reclining pose sitting on the floor resting on one arm. Miley then “decorated” her father by leaning onto him then lying next to him with her head resting on his lap.

What was my initial impression? Inappropriate. She was not just being a girl hanging out with dad shooting some promotional shots. She was not being Hannah Montana in those shots. The poses with the dad were not your average daughter and dad shots. The eye to eye contact captured in the shots did not have parental overtures. If I did not know that this was a father and daughter, I would have believed that these two were intimately involved.

Do I think that they are having some kind of illicit relationship? No I do not. Was this a textbook example of incredibly poor judgment? Yes it was. Some image consultant probably advised them to do this photo shoot saying that Miley has to develop her image after Hannah Montana. That she will not be a kid forever. Show the fans that she is maturing and in connection with that, not be type cast as a Disney character for the rest of her career. Was this good advice? Maybe it was. But the execution was a blunder in the umpteenth degree.

Lastly, the dad was the most to blame for this situation. He is her manager. More importantly he is her father. He is there to not only protect her business interests but to help her make the proper decisions regarding her image and lifestyle. To help her learn the thought process that goes into making good solid decisions for herself. What I saw was an aging man who enjoyed the attention he was getting to the detriment of his daughter. He was posing for his fans trying to look cool and attractive. He was not there trying to look like Miley’s dad.

Another example of how your bad decisions can have far ranging effect on those around you. Ego strikes yet again and claims two more victims.

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Can allowing yourself to be raped be considered "Self Defense"?

What a question right? You are screaming at your screen thinking there is no possible way letting yourself be raped be considered "self defense". Let's see if we can modify your outlook.

We now understand about "broadcasting" but remember that predators occasionally make mistakes or you were distracted by some life altering incident leaving a hole in the fabric of your armor. Then it happens, you are confronted by an attacker. What now?

First, you are still the confident and self controlled you. This is important in that when we "loose it" we really are losing self control and therefore the control of our life. When that happens, the circumstance now controls you and not vice versa. Assess the situation. Where are you? Are there people around or nearby? What is around you? What does your attacker look like? What is he wearing? If you get a good grasp of the knowns, you can more methodically handle the unknowns. Listen to what the attacker is saying. Etc. etc. etc.

We will spend more time, another time, going over making assessments and what to do with those assessments. Right now I am trying to intrigue you, so let's get to the question.

You are now, after careful assessment, at the point where the attacker is about to rape you. Remember, your universe is yours. You have created this universe for yourself decision by decision since the day that you could make decisions. You are now cornered in a place that nobody can come to your aid. (Why you are here in the first place?) You have tried talking to this person. You told the attacker your first name and that you have three kids or a mom, dad, and little brother. This humanizes you. You have asked that the attacker simply does not do this.

The attacker moves closer. You assess the attackers size and strength. Can you fight? Do you know how? The attacker grabs you. What are your options?

Remember, when you make a decision for yourself, your psychological "survivability" is much improved over when your ability to make a decision for yourself is forcibly taken from you. Rape is just such a thing. It is not sexual in essence. Rape is about power and control. The very things that you work for on a daily basis. The decision to allow yourself to get raped, gives you back control over your body and psychological health. Here's how.

There have been women that before being raped asked the assailant to wear a condom. She would say that she has an STD or that she did not want to get pregnant. There have been women that offered to give the assailant oral sex instead of vaginal intercourse, some even getting the person to wear a condom for that. Ultimately, some knew that if they did not give in to the attackers demands, they could quite possibly be severely injured or killed. The difference between these women and too many others, is that these women made the "conscious decision" to "allow" the rape to take place. This is quite different from "losing it" and your decision making ability being torn from you leaving you totally helpless and ultimately victimized.

In the end, the decision is yours to make. Fight or not to fight? What is right or wrong? The answer is, what can you live with? What can you accept? Make your call and go for it.

Think of these things now. Then make decisions in your life that will prepare you for whatever may come your way. First, live your life in a way that minimizes the opportunity for these types of things to happen. Where you travel, how you dress, your "broadcasts", the people you know, are just some of things that determine your "threat matrix". Do you know how to fight, use that gizmo your friend gave you, shoot that gun?

I want you to ask yourself right now where you are in connection with all of this. Ask the questions I asked in todays entry. Then make decisions to improve your knowledge base. If you need more information or advice, just ask via the comments box. I will do my best to give you an answer as soon as possible. If I do not know the answer, I will research it for you and let you know where to look.

Thanks for reading. Please tell a friend about this BLOG. Take care.

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Advice for women regarding "Self Defense"

"Self Defense", "Peace of mind", and "Personal Security" all start from within. You must develop a sense of self and personal worth. Again, we are back to decisions. Remember that we are in total control of our personal universe.

Let's talk about the practical application of this. Picture a lioness crouched low in a thick cover of brush. She is observing a small group of animals foraging for food relatively nearby. In the group of animals that she is observing there are several that appear to be strong and healthy. Among the group there are also old and young along with one or two that appear to be sick or injured. She is deciding which one she is going to attack. It is hot, very hot. She will only have enough energy for one attempt. If she exerts to much energy, there is a chance that she might not be able to recover from the exertion. Which one would you pick and why?

The lioness will go after the one that her instincts told her will be the easiest for her to down. The animal that she decides to chase will be "broadcasting" to the lioness certain signs or symptoms of weakness or vulnerability. It is these "broadcasts" that over time drew the attention of the lioness and ultimately steeled her intent to attack. The broadcasts I speak of are things like a limp, labored breathing, distance from the rest of the animals, and age. The social structure of some animals can also come into play. Can lioness make a mistake? Yes. There are many incidents where the Lioness attacks an animal that is able to fight back and sometimes even kill the lioness. These mistakes are often due to inexperience or simple desperation. What does this have to do with you or any other woman?

Simple, you control your universe and the "broadcasts" that you impart to the world. If a video was made of you going about your daily activities that you did not know was being made, what would you think about the woman you were watching? Was she confident, strong, determined, intense, and friendly? Did she appear weak, sick, confused, lost, sad, or ambivalent? Now put yourself in the place of the lioness. Which one would you attack if you saw both versions of you moving about?

Now the first step to personal safety. Is your life your own? Do you control your personal universe? In an earlier blog entry, we talked about this using a person with an addiction as an example. When you give your life away, you no longer have the power to make decisions for your yourself. Your addiction is now in charge and making decisions for you. Your addiction will not make decisions in your best interest but in it's own best interest to your detriment. Does this sound appealing? When your life is living you like this, you can rest assured that whatever predatory element there is in your addictions life, it is looking straight at YOU. Please read that last sentence again because it is not a typo. It is very important.

Let's end today's time together by deciding to take a long look at where we are in our lives. At the end of that moment of reflection, consciously ask yourself if you own your life. If your answer is no, ask yourself who or what owns it now? Knowing what or who is in control of your life is the second step in taking it back. The first being able to admit that it is no longer your life and that you in fact gave it up. After this, I want you to stand in front of a mirror and tell your addiction that you are taking your life back, and that as of that moment you are in charge. From that moment on start living your life one decision at a time. You must look at every decision from that moment on and determine if it will further your life goal at that moment of keeping your life and not giving it away again. This is our journey together. Not yours and mine alone, but all the like minded people that share the same intent.

We are going to be on this for a while. For the guys out there that may have gotten this far in this entry, please know that this is also for you. The same principals apply to male beasts in the wild. Not just the females of the species are hunted. Another way this applies to you is that it would become a requirement that you educate the people you love for their best interests. If you were given a vaccine for some deadly disease that was going around, would you share it with your wife, daughter, mother, or sister? Do I really need to ask?

Take care. See you soon.

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You are a result of the decisions that you make!

Hello again. Well, I feel that if we are to take this journey together We must have a concrete starting point. What I mean is that true personal peace of mind can only come from something that you have total control of. That something is what you decide to do on a daily basis. More simply put, how you live your life.
I teach a martial art that believes in what is called a life path. It says that a person should set for themselves an ultimate goal in life. Once set, it is not the accomplishment of the goal itself that really matters. What matters is if at the time of your death, can you look back and honestly say that you did everything you possibly could to accomplish that goal. A person needs to set the life path to ultimate personal fulfillment and only follow paths that lead you directly to the accomplishment of your ultimate goal. It is when you start down side roads that conflict come into play.
What is an appropriate life goal? Well like everything in life, that is a relevant issue to where you are in life. What is your personal maturity? What is your spiritual maturity? Does a life goal need to be awe inspiring in nature? No. The point in your life that you are now is a direct result of the decisions that you have made in the past. Right now you have to decide where you want to be in the future. This future can be in an hour, in a day, in a year, in ten years. There is nothing written in stone telling you what the rules are, only that decisions need to be made. If you have a an addiction, your decision making with regards to life goals will be very narrow in nature. First off, your life is no longer yours to live. You gave your life to something else. It's priorities are now what is important. You must first take your life back. This is your first decision in your new life. Now everything after that must lead you only to your ultimate goal which can be not to give it away again. Your life decisions at this point may be to get you through the next 30 minutes, never mind tomorrow. You cannot take life day by day. Life at this level must be lived decision by decision.
How does this relate to security? Bear with me.
Remember, it is not the actual accomplishment of the goal that will define you as a person. It is the way you lived your life in the pursuit of that goal which will truly define you. We have all seen the beauty contestant who bravely states that it would be her goal to solve hunger in the world. Does she actually do anything about it? Would it be possible even for one person to do this? Look at Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, even George W. Bush. Each of these people have changed the world to some degree. Have they changed anything totally for either the better or worse? No, but it can be argued that their personal decisions based on what they wanted for themselves and the world in which they lived, did indeed define them as individuals and more so, left an indelible effect on those people around them. You as a father, brother, mother, sister, or friend can do the same thing in your world.
Did I say "your world"? Yes I did. I bet you did not know just how much power you have? Close your eyes for a moment. Relax your mind. Take a deep breath. Now open your eyes again. Congratulations, you just created the world in which you live. The more people that you can get to see the world the way you do, the more power you have to make change on a global basis. The larger your influence will become. Your life on the other hand, is yours to command NOW.
Some of you say, "Huh?" Some of you say, "Ah!" Some of you say, "I knew that." Some of you are saying, "What an Idiot." Good for all of you. Tell or ask me why you are saying any of those things. As for this topic, we are not finished just yet.
Take care until next time.

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Why discuss this?

First off, I do not want anyone to think that I will only be talking about security in the missionary sense. Really how one lives one's life will reveal the total sense of how secure one's life can be. Don't get me wrong, gadgets gizmos and techniques will definitely be covered. Please feel free to ask questions, give feedback, or just critique.

First topic will be true to the title of the blog. Is pepper spray and/or an electric zapper a good method of self defense for your loved one. The simple answer is that out of the package, NO. Any weapon is at its basest an extension of the person using it. So if your loved one is timid and introverted, the way that the weapon will be brought to bear will reflect those same traits. Your loved one must be trained to use the weapon, and more importantly be willing to use it.
You must make sure that your loved one knows how to use the weapon. This means training. Many martial art schools will be able and willing to offer some basic instruction with whatever gadget you may present. You may just have to sit through the sales presentation trying to sell you 3 years for the price of two. As we grow together within this blog I will give specific training recommendations for whatever topics we may get into. For now please be a little patient because I am still getting used to this whole blog thing.

Then there is legality. Is your loved one even allowed to have the weapon in question on their person in the area in which you live? Let me explain my base philosophy on this matter. It would be better to be alive in jail than dead in a morgue. Most trials in self defense situations take into account extenuating circumstances which require an individual to take actions considered to be above the norm. My best piece of advice here is to make sure that the situation that is being "handled" is indeed a "self defense" situation and that you honesty and wholeheartedly felt that "your life or that of your loved one was in danger". That last statement was very important and should be part of any sworn statement that you make to the police after any self defense situation.

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