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Sunday, June 1, 2008

“Same Sex Marriage” What does it mean for you?

First off, let me preface this post with a simple disclaimer; Morality is relative to the life being experienced by the one living it. I do not endorse any particular religion or belief system. I do, however, endorse having one because such things are prisms through which we can focus the minds active force, also known as intent. By being able to focus your intent, you will have the ability to become a truly powerful being capable of serving and protecting those that you hold near and dear to your heart. These elements define your universe. The intent of this post is not to determine right from wrong. Our goal is to expose the topic in a way as to engender conversation. By doing so, people can make their own educated decisions and adjust their life paths accordingly.

Whew, now that the disclaimer has been taken out of the closet and set prominently on the mantle, let’s get ready to have a nice orderly discussion.

What is the issue? (Is there even an issue?)

Until recently, same-sex couples could not marry anywhere in the world. This final restriction was lifted during 2001-APR, when The Netherlands expanded its definition of marriage to include both opposite-sex and same sex couples. Belgium followed suit during 2003-JAN. Next came Ontario, a province in Canada in 2003-JUN. By 2004-NOV, same-sex marriage had become available in most Canadian provinces. When federal law C-38 was signed into law on 2005-JUL-20, SSM theoretically became available across all of Canada. However Prince Edward Island ignored the civil rights of same-sex couples, and refused to issue marriage licenses to them for almost a month until threatened by a lawsuit. Spain passed a law allowing same-sex couples to marry on 2005-JUN-29. South Africa's law came into effect on 2006-NOV-30.

The status of same-sex marriage in the U.S.:

Currently, only one man and one woman can be joined in matrimony and have their marriages recognized by the state, except for residents of Massachusetts who successfully won a court battle for the right to marry. Same-sex couples were able to obtain marriage licenses in San Francisco, CA, and in various towns in New Mexico and New York for short intervals of time during 2004. However, none were able to register their marriages.

As of 2007-MAR, almost all states have "Defense of Marriage Acts" or constitutional amendments prohibiting same-sex marriage, Exceptions are: New Mexico and Wyoming in the West, Connecticut, Maryland, New Jersey, New York, Rhode Island, and Vermont in the Northeast.

The Alliance Defense Fund, a conservative Christian legal activist group, maintains "DOMAwatch" that describes the current status of same-sex marriage, court cases, etc. in each state. See: http://www.domawatch.org/

Text from: ReligiousTolerance.org (www.religioustolerance.org/hom_marr.html)

California under the leadership of “Arnie” is probably about to legalize same sex marriage because of a California Supreme Court decision. New York, while not legalizing it, intends to honor such unions consummated in other states or countries.

Let’s look at the word marriage. Yet once again I crack the cover to my ever faithful Encarta Dictionary: mar riage (noun) 1. A legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners. 2. A married relationship between two people, or somebody’s relationship with his or her spouse. 3. The joining together in wedlock of two people. These are definitions good enough for Microsoft Corporation, so they must be good enough for this discussion. Do you find it interesting that when addressing the “whom” in these definitions they use the term, “two people?” Not a man and a woman? Why is that, PC being displayed in educational text? Another interesting statement is that marriage is established by, “civil or religious ceremony.” We must be reminded that not all civil law is based on moral guidance. It is also civil laws that allow a pornography store to be located on the same block as a church. Both the church and the porno store having their own devotees. Civil laws in general are intended to serve the greater good of the community it is intended for without prejudice towards any specific group. Can the same be said about religious doctrine? Which religion you ask? I say, exactly.

Are we discussing societal or religious concerns? What about scale? Whose society or religion are we talking about? There are practices in certain societies around the world that are beyond the fathom to any other society around them. The same can be said for religion. So it can be understood that there are people around the world who are on both sides of the fence regarding this subject. But alas, we are talking about the United States of America, the land of the brave and home of the free. What about America? How will this affect America?

There was a time in our history that a man and a woman were expected to get married to somebody from the same community or church. By this I mean the same circle of friends, same background, more blatantly, the same color or race. It was unheard of for a white person to be dating, much less marrying, a black person. This separation was supported and even enforced by both religious and civil authorities of the time. It was said that to allow such unions to exist would cause the very fabric of decency and propriety to be irreparably damaged. The same stigma exists even today to some degree in certain communities around America.

Not to long ago being homosexual was something to hide and keep secret. If this statement were not true why does the saying “coming out of the closet” exist? There were laws, and still are in many places, threatening prosecution and jail time for people engaged in homosexual relations. In the past, people were released from military service because they were “gay”. Today we have the “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. Some of today’s most popular television shows have either homosexual themes or star people that live publicly homosexual lives. Ellen DeGeneres being a prime example.

The prejudices in America have evolved not disappeared. New egos are controlling the system that we live in. We have grown so intolerant that we tolerate the previously intolerable. Our horizons have broadened to the point that we can no longer see the trees for the forest. We now define society in terms of the individual without first defining just who that individual is. Glassy stares are intertwined with the angry glares. Some of you say, “What?” Some of you say, “Why”. Some are saying, “Huh?”

Picture in your mind a couple that lives in small apartment in the hustle and bustle of Manhattan. A small dog runs in circles elated that its master is turning a key in the front door lock. In the kitchen, a pot of home cooked tomato sauce is being stirred lovingly by skilled hands. Entering the kitchen, a leather briefcase is dropped onto the kitchen counter and a soup ladle is tossed into the sink as two lovers embrace and share a passionate kiss. Jeff pulls away and says, “What smells so good?” A smile crosses Philip’s face as he proudly announces that he is making a pasta dinner using his grandmother’s secret recipe. Just then Jeff’s six year old son from his recently failed marriage comes into the kitchen and announces that he is going over to his friend’s house to play video games.

If I did not mention any names would you have surmised that it was a story about two men? If I never mentioned any names at all would it have made a difference? This type of relationship exists on a grand scale in today’s America. With or without laws “legitimizing” such unions, these “families” will continue to exist and even flourish. Will the “legalization” of this standard result in even further societal change? I put it to you that “society” will change regardless. Will the change be for the better or worse? Relative to whom?

If you have read this far you might be asking me, “What now?” Well what now? How does any of this affect your universe? If you let it affect your universe it will. As with any issue that you decide to become part of, it becomes a part of you. You must take a stand and defend your opinion because it is your’s, it belongs to you; at the same time you must accept the fact the every human has the same right as you, and it too, must be defended.


Bader Jundi said...

there is only 2 philosophical theories that stands against same sex mirage, the first says that action is only moral if it is natural and some thing is used for any thing but its natural propose then its immoral but this theory fall out in the midevil era because it couldn't explain how the hell is using a chair to defend your self is immoral and then you have the religious theory based on nothing but faith which by definition is the believe with no evidence which gets to the point where its most logical to say there is no right believe and wrong believe if the believe is based on faith so for me the Christians believe in some thing that i don't believe in and the homosexuals believe in some thing that i don't believe so if I am to respect the Christian believes and let them practice it then logic says that i shall do the same to gay believes as well.
my personal opinion is that its quite wrong to shove your believes up in others ***s by force, am with religious freedom but against religious governments.
the law should be neutral to suit every one in the society.

Azure Islands Designs said...

Well said!!!

I strongly agree, every human being has the same rights as the next...these rights must include the right to marry regardless of the gender of the partners.

Having said that I also agree, everyone is entitled to their own opinion...if these opinions are not the same as mine then we must agree to disagree...


David Tamayo said...

Two very different ways of expressing a view yet coming to basic agreement in the end. The ability to do this transcends any topic being discussed in the first place. We will never see the same thing the same way. Mutual respect and tolerance will allow us to enjoy the view though. :)

FANCY said...

OH...this is really important question you are taking up...I have heard from a very wise man that we are on the earth to learn like we all are going in Primary School before we can go to university ...We all need love to exist and the love can have all kind of faces :)
I also have a new post ;-)


I think this is the most brilliantly written piece that I have seen on this subject. I have always felt that if you can find someone to love and they love you too (consenting adults) then I do not see any problem. It is in my opinion more about love and acceptance. I just cannot imagine why this would bother anyone. Aren't there more important things to worry about (starving children, homeless animals, violence, etc)than which sex can marry which sex? Great post!!!

David Tamayo said...


Thank you so much for the compliment. Please tell others about the site and the post. Maybe we can make a difference in somebody's life. Take care=)

Sogeshirtsguy said...

David you need to run for office or have your own talk show. Your thoughts are so well reasoned and rational. I agree with your premise that it is not our right to decide what others do with their lives. What a great article.

Bridget said...

David great post as usual, for me personally I try to stay away from institutionalized thought and actions that are limiting and exclusionary. I think we get so caught up with telling each other what to do that we forget that the greatest thing we can do while we are here is to live a life of meaning and help others do the same. Life is full of good and bad, we need to appreciate and encourage the beauty that can be found and what is more beautiful than love?

David Tamayo said...

Hello Bridget,

Your words have helped somebody today. =)

Yeah said...

David, one more great post.
This is purely hypothetical,what happen if all of us are married to the same sex? Extinction of mankind or womankind?

ssgreylord said...

Wow. What a thought-provoking post. I love that you could supply this much information and examples in such an unbiased way. I love that you took a stance that there is not only one way that is right. you were challenging and honest.

While this topic is uncomfortable for many people, I applaud you for initiating a discussion.

My favorite line from your post was "We have grown so intolerable that we tolerate the previously intolerable."

My opinion is that judgment is useless. Who are we to judge when ultimately I feel like there is a God up there who welcomes and loves everyone for who they are, not what they are...

Stefanie said...

First off, I know I started writing this comment the other day, but I must have closed out my browser before I posted it :/ And I apologize if you get this twice.

I'm sure you already know my opinion on this topic, from my Bloggers Unite post. My brother is gay, although I prefer that to not be mentioned on my website. I fully support him, always have and always will, but I'm not sure if the members of our family who don't know visit my site, and I don't want them finding out that way, I want them to know when he is ready to tell them.

When he told me, he said he knows that I've known for years, even longer than he has known. He knew I would support him, respect him, and love him no matter what, but he still cried his eyes out when he told me. Maybe if the world were more open to homosexuality, he wouldn't have been so scared to tell me.

It's crazy how closed minded people are where I currently live (I'm from CT, where my family, including my brother, is now, but living in MO). I'm starting to see more interracial couples here now then when I moved here, 6 years ago, but there is still a LONG way to go. I do see gay couples, but they don't feel free enough to even hold hands. I notice this in lots of places, though. Actually, the only place I do see gay couples feeling free enough to hold hands is in Massachusetts.

I can only hope that gay marriage is legalized before my brother wants to get married, but, if it's not, he's lucky enough to live very close to MA. Unfortunately, as it is now, CT won't recognize a MA gay marriage. I guess, if all else fails, he could move to MA!

David Tamayo said...

Hello yeah,

Well if society ever came to the point you describe in your hypothetical situation, I think that the subject of this post would be, "Opposite Sex Marriage" What does it mean to you? =) I am sure that society at that point would have worked out a way to procreate with and without breaking any marital vows. Take care my friend.

David Tamayo said...

Hello ssgreylord,

As usual we are riding the same rowboat my friend. =) Thank you for your kind words. Take care.

David Tamayo said...

Hello Stefanie,

Your brother has a right to be happy and live the life that he wants to live. He is very lucky to have you as part of his support group. Part of owning your own universe is loving and accepting yourself first. By hiding who he is, there is inherently a negative energy to his actions because he fears a negative consequence from your parents, etc. Encourage him to be open about who he is. This will lead to an abundance of positive energy which will in and of itself bring many positive opportunities. If you have known for a long time, give some credit to your parents because they may know more than the both of you think. I really appreciated your post. Take care. =) We are always here for you and your brother.

Stefanie said...

Our mom knows, and supports him completely. Our dad doesn't know... actually, I think he KNOWS, he just hasn't been told yet. I don't blame my brother for not telling him, my dad can be very closed-minded about certain things. He says things to my mom like, "Why doesn't he bring home any girls?" with attitude in his tone. I'm not sure how he will react when my brother DOES tell him... Realizing that we do think he knows, though, it might not be as bad as we think. They still get along really well, and I think maybe not telling him is a better idea, for now. It seems to be giving him the chance to get used to the idea without having to "know."

Jenn of the Jungle said...

Seriously, who cares? I mean really.

Why the hell is the government getting involved in the private matter of two consenting adults?

FANCY said...

Respons on comment


I'm speechless...what wonderful words and I can feel your good vibration the hole way from Philippine to Sweden and there I am just to be embraced of all the goodness you sending :L