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Friday, April 11, 2008

In Loving Memory of Rose Mabel Thorpe April 19, 1924 - April 6, 2008

I just found out that my Grandmother died. The last time I actually saw my Grandmother I was still quite young, less than ten years old in fact. I remember the first time I was able to talk to my Grandmother after so many years of not seeing her, it felt like I was still that little boy who dearly loved his "Gramma".

I opened my email for the first time in a while and was looking through the subject list when I saw the email regarding the death of my Grandmother. My aunt sent it to me. I am so thankful that she thought to do that. It was a very wonderful thing for her to do considering how things must be right now. I love her and respect her a great deal.

Grandma was a spunky, quick witted, loving person. I was getting regular phone calls from her for quite a while. She was on a fixed income, yet she found the resources to keep in touch with the ones she loved. No matter how I was feeling at the time of her calls she would lift my spirits and with a simple, "I love you", make me feel needed and appreciated.

Right now I feel not only an emptiness inside of me but also a deep and gnawing sense of personal guilt. I live a long way from family. Grandma complained that I lived too far away and would ask me to move closer to kin. I always told her that I would try. When she called, Grandma used to ask me to call her more often because her limited income did not let her talk to me often enough. I always told her that I would try. Grandma would ask for pictures of her grandkids and my wife so that she could at least look at the pictures if I could not bring them to visit. I always told her that I would try. I apparently did not try hard enough. I let my Grandmother down.

I want to say goodbye: "Grandma, it's me David. Thank you for keeping me in your heart and mind. Please forgive me for taking you for granted. For thinking that you would always be there, and that I would have all the time in the world to fulfill my promises to you. Please forgive me for not being there to hold your hand and comfort you when you had your stroke. I can only find comfort in the hope that you were never alone. Just know Grandma, that you will always be in my heart. More importantly I want you to know that you were a large part of the catalyst that helped changed my life for the better. That change inspired me to start this blog. So if we can help even one person in a meaningful way, your legacy will live on as part of a much greater movement. I love you Grandma. Rest well."

I still feel shallow and dissatisfied.

My Grandmother's decision to show me how much she loved me really did change my outlook on things. A decision that she made not knowing what set of circumstances she would be unleashing on the universe. A decision made with no other motive other than to get and give a little love and attention. She helped change my life. I am motivated to help change others lives as well.

Your life path is complete Grandma. Good Job. I am so proud of you!

2 comments:

brandibrannan said...

Dear David,
This is Brandi your Aunt Margarets daughter I just want to tell you that this was a very beautiful message you left I will miss grandma very much I really hope that you can come visit the rest of the family soon.......
With love
your cousin Brandi

American Genius said...

Accept my sympathy, in these contrite words, I'm sorry.
All of my Grand Parents are dead, and I was close to them, especially my maternal ones.